It's Not Fair!

Life isn't fair.  And I am so glad it isn't!  Does that statement surprise you, even shock you?  Well maybe that is because I know something you don't.  I know three things.  One, is that life is not just the number of days we spend on this earth; two, I don't want what I deserve; and three, that which is to come is beyond what we now see.

We must first have a working definition of life.  To most life is merely the time period between birth and death.  That, however, is not the sum total of our existence.  You see, we are spiritual beings inside this flesh and as such, our life extends beyond the physical.  So we come to find out that there is not one, but two deaths.

 It is true that our bodies are destined to perish with time.  This was not the original intent, but rather, the curse of decay was a result of the first humans sin.  Our infinite wise creator could not do otherwise.    But because He is also love, He made a way for us to be brought back to Him.  Not in our current flesh.  That was impossible.  Instead, it is our spirits that are born again and will either live for eternity or be consigned to eternal damnation, the second death.  "Blessed and holy are those who share in the first resurrection. The second death has no power over them, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with him for a thousand years." (Revelation 20:6)  "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8)

I deserve this second death as much as the next guy or gal.  My only hope to escape it is the grace of God.  And so, I do not want life to be fair.  "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. " (John 3:16-17)  "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them." (John 3:36)  “Very truly I tell you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged but has crossed over from death to life." (John 5:24)  "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, ² in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. ³ All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. ⁴ But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. ⁶ And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, ⁷ in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:1-9)


The last reason I am glad that life is not fair is because we see only a shadow now.  "The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves." (Hebrews 10:1)  "They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven." (Hebrews 8:5)  "These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ." (Colossians 2:17)  Those who live for now receive their reward, but their reward is but a shadow.
However, as it is written:

“What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him— (1 Corinthians 2:9)

 

 

A shadow or the real thing...which would you prefer?  Would not it be better to forgo  a lesser treasure now, for a far greater one later?  Or has our society forgotten what delayed gratification means?  "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." ( 2 Corinthians 4:17)  "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)  As for me...I think I will take the latter.  "You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." (Psalm 16:11)

 

No, life isn't fair.  At least not how we define it.  And praise be to God it is not!  Make no mistake, God is just.  He will make all things right.  But the life to come will be far greater than what I see now and definitely greater than what I deserve.  Thanks be to the grace of God in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unfettered

Because I am getting ready for diagnosing of gastrointestinal issues, I went off the fast.  I needed to test some food intolerances (yep, they are still there!) and try to have my system in a "normal" state for them to see.  At first this seemed a blessing.  I was now free to indulge as I desired.  I was unfettered.  Shouldn't I be singing the halleluiah chorus or something?

What I found instead was another of God's paradoxes; His upside down economy.  MY freedom brought loss not gain.  When I loosed myself of His bonds, I found myself enslaved.  Enslaved to my flesh and its desires, desires that are not seeking my ultimate good, but only their momentary satisfaction.  Romans 6 sums this up for us when it tells us that we are slaves to the one whom we obey.  And Peter tells us, "Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves." (1 peter 2:16)  In just a few short days I felt the loss.  I was not hearing His voice as loudly.  I had lost self-control.  My addiction to chocolate had returned...and with a vengeance!

So what am I to do?

^15" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.  ²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:15-25)

Jesus is my hope of salvation!  I now know that it is about placing myself under the power and authority of my Lord and Savior.  Fasting is not just a day to humble myself and then go about as I please.  It is a submitting, a fettering myself to God.  For though from the world's viewpoint He seems to take away our fun.  The truest reality is that only in living His way can we find infinite joy!

The question then is:  Do I want a life time of pleasure or an eternity of treasure?  You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16:11)  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21)  Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. (Colossians 3:1)  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17)  Need I quote more? 

This is all nice and may be the truth, but it will not make a difference unless I believe it.  We say many things, but we act on what we believe.  Do I believe?  Yes!  Lord help my unbelief!

 

 

a wound that never quite heals

"It is a wound that never quite heals: shrapnel closed up in the flesh."  - Mark Buchanan

I read the above quote today and it resonated with me.  It describes how I feel about my infertility. Scripture says it this way:

“There are three things that are never satisfied,
    four that never say, ‘Enough!’:
 the grave, the barren womb,
    land, which is never satisfied with water,
    and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’

Proverbs 30:15-16

 

The wound has healed.  I have found peace and joy once again, but the grief still lies buried within, carried by my Savior.  He guards my heart for that day. "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." (1 Timothy 1:12)

 

 It is okay that the scar remains, for it reminds me that things are not as they are supposed to be.  Wombs are not meant to be barren.  We are meant for life not death.  I rejoice in this reminder, for it keeps my focus on the hope that is to come when Jesus Christ returns. 

The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
    from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
    from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken.

⁹ In that day they will say,

“Surely this is our God;
    we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the Lord, we trusted in him;
    let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.

Isaiah 25:8-9

 

Even if I was to receive life in my womb this very day, the ache for eternity would still resound in my heart, for as long as we remain on this earth we are away from the Lord (2 Cor. 5:6).  As C.S. Lewis put it, we live only in the shadow lands here.  Our true home is waiting.  Christ has gone to prepare a place for us and will return to take us there.  In John 14:1-3 Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:3-5)
 
And so I rejoice in my suffering even as I shout Maranatha!  Lord come soon!  It is the very longing that keeps this life in perspective and leads to a greater life, both now and forever more. Amen.

 

Update on my fasting

Day 20:

I am not sure that I can adequately describe what this time of fasting has been for me but I will try.  It is beyond words because it is beyond the natural.  Supernatural?  Yes.  After all, isn't that the point?  If what I do is about the natural, then fasting would not be part of it!  It is NOT natural to deprive your body.

But what I now know, is that it isn't about the deprivation, it is about the battle for my soul.  It is not giving up something...it is giving myself up to someone.  A giving up of the temporal for the eternal.  Humbling myself before one who is greater than I.  Yearning for what I can not produce or control.  Surrendering myself to God. 

He is the air I breath, my food and living water.  My delight! 

Would you not be willing to give up something of far lesser value in order to gain a treasure that is beyond what you could ask or imagine?

Since Adam and Eve, we have fought sin and its destructive consequences.  But no consequence has been greater than our broken relationship with God.  We lost not only the beauty of the garden, but everything He is.  Pride replaced trust; blame replaced love; sorrow replaced joy and worry replaced peace.  "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" (Mark 8:36)

Praise be to God!  He provided a way to redeem the curse.  Through the blood of Jesus we can find forgiveness of sins and reconciliation with God.  This means that we can once again regain all that He is, by the Holy Spirit who dwells within us who believe.

I have been a believer for 30 years, but am confident that I have been missing out on much that is freely offered by God, because I have sought him on my terms...not his.

"And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. ² For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. ³ I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. ⁴ My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, ⁵ so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.⁶ We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. ⁷ No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. ⁸ None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. ⁹ However, as it is written:

         “What no eye has seen,
            what no ear has heard,
           and what no human mind has conceived”—
           the things God has prepared for those who love him—

¹⁰ these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.  The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. ¹¹ For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. ¹² What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. ¹³ This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words. ¹⁴ The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. ¹⁵ The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, ¹⁶ for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord
    so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.  (1 Corinthians 2:1-16)

 

Even in my fasting I must come to him rightly.  I do not fast in order to trade for what I want or persuade God to act on my behalf.  I fast to seek him.  I come to be changed.  The LORD spoke to Israel, through his prophet Isaiah, and declared the kind of fasting he desired; a fast that was pleasing to the LORD.

 

 

“Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
    Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
    and to the descendants of Jacob their sins.
² For day after day they seek me out;
    they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
    and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
    and seem eager for God to come near them.
³ ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say,
    ‘and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
    and you have not noticed?’

“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
    and exploit all your workers.
⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
    and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
    and expect your voice to be heard on high.
⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
    only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
    and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
    a day acceptable to the Lord?

⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness^[a] will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
    and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
    and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
    and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the Lord,
    and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
    and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

(Isaiah 58)

 

And God IS changing me.  He has shown me that what is impossible for me (20 days with no sugar) is possible with God; that the support and accountability of other like minded believers is a must (we were never meant to live alone, Genesis 2:18); that I must endure for the joy set before me (it is about setting my mind on that which is most important); and that this life is about living for him not myself.  Through all this, a compassion I have not felt before has arisen inside me.  It is his compassion for the world which leads us from our solitude to action.

When we take this epic struggle to our solitude with God and deal with it there, we emerge with compassion, peace, joy, kindness, etc. (Galatians 5:22-25)  Only then can we meet the worlds needs, for these are precisely what the world needs.  If we do not, then we take our struggles with us to our encounters with others.  We have little if anything to offer and usually end up inflicting harm, for we are seeking for someone else to help us. 

Even as circumstances may dictate an end to this particular fast, I feel as though my true fast is only beginning.  I have not arrived at my destination and I know there will be stumbles along the way, but I also know the One who upholds me with his powerful right hand.  He will not sleep, nor slumber and he will never leave my side. 

I am on a journey to the heart of God.  Will you join me?

 

 

 

Cross references:

1. 1 Corinthians 2:1 : ver 4, 13; 1Co 1:17
2. 1 Corinthians 2:2 : Gal 6:14; 1Co 1:23
3. 1 Corinthians 2:3 : Ac 18:1-18
4. 1 Corinthians 2:3 : 1Co 4:10; 9:22; 2Co 11:29, 30; 12:5, 9, 10; 13:9
5. 1 Corinthians 2:3 : S 2Co 7:15
6. 1 Corinthians 2:4 : ver 1
7. 1 Corinthians 2:4 : S Ro 15:13
8. 1 Corinthians 2:5 : 2Co 4:7; 6:7
9. 1 Corinthians 2:6 : Eph 4:13; Php 3:15; Col 4:12; Heb 5:14; 6:1; Jas 1:4
10. 1 Corinthians 2:6 : ver 8; S 1Co 1:20
11. 1 Corinthians 2:6 : Ps 146:4
12. 1 Corinthians 2:7 : ver 1
13. 1 Corinthians 2:7 : Ro 16:25
14. 1 Corinthians 2:8 : ver 6; S 1Co 1:20
15. 1 Corinthians 2:8 : Ps 24:7; Ac 7:2; Jas 2:1
16. 1 Corinthians 2:9 : Isa 64:4; 65:17
17. 1 Corinthians 2:10 : S Mt 13:11; 2Co 12:1, 7; Gal 1:12; 2:2; Eph 3:3, 5
18. 1 Corinthians 2:10 : Jn 14:26
19. 1 Corinthians 2:11 : Jer 17:9
20. 1 Corinthians 2:11 : Pr 20:27
21. 1 Corinthians 2:12 : Ro 8:15
22. 1 Corinthians 2:12 : 1Co 1:20, 27; Jas 2:5
23. 1 Corinthians 2:13 : ver 1, 4; 1Co 1:17
24. 1 Corinthians 2:14 : Jn 14:17
25. 1 Corinthians 2:14 : S 1Co 1:18
26. 1 Corinthians 2:15 : 1Co 3:1; Gal 6:1
27. 1 Corinthians 2:16 : Isa 40:13; S Ro 11:34
28. 1 Corinthians 2:16 : Jn 15:15

Quotes on Prayer

This blog is not my words, but rather quotes on prayer from Henri Nouwen.  Words that have touched my soul and express my longing.  And so, I will let him tell you:

In a society that seems to be filled with urgencies and emergencies, prayer appears to be an unnatural form of behavior.  Without fully realizing it, we have accepted the idea that “doing things” is more important than prayer and have come to think of prayer as something for times when there is nothing urgent to do…

Concentrated human effort is necessary because prayer is not our most natural response to the world.  Left to our own impulses, we will always want to do something else before we pray.  Often, what we want to do seems so unquestionably good – setting up a religious education program, helping with a soup kitchen, listening to people’s problems, visiting the sick, planning the liturgy, working with prisoners or mental patients – that it is hard to realize that even these things can be done with impatience and so become signs of our own needs rather than of God’s compassion.

Therefore, prayer is in many ways the criterion of Christian life.  Prayer requires that we stand in God’s presence with open hands, naked and vulnerable, proclaiming to ourselves and to others that without God we can do nothing.  This is difficult in a climate where the predominate counsel is, “Do your best and God will do the rest.”  When life is divided into “our best” and “God’s rest”, we have turned prayer into a last resort to be used only when all our resources are depleted.  Then even the Lord has become the victim of our impatience.  Discipleship does not mean to use God when we can no longer function ourselves.  On the contrary, it means to recognize that we can do nothing at all, but that God can do everything through us.  As disciples, we find not some but all of our strength, hope, courage, and confidence in God.  Therefore, prayer must be our first concern.

God’s way can only be grasped in prayer.  The more you listen to God speaking within you, the sooner you will hear that voice inviting you to follow the way of Jesus.  For Jesus’ way is God’s way, and God’s way is not for Jesus only, but for everyone who is truly seeking God.  Here we come up against the hard truth that the descending way of Jesus is also the way for us to find God.  Soon after he ends his fasting in the wilderness and calls his first disciples, Jesus says,

                How blessed are the poor in spirit…

                Blessed are the gentle…

                Blessed are those who mourn…

                Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for uprightness…

                Blessed are the merciful…

                Blessed are the pure in heart…

                Blessed are the peacemakers…

                Blessed are those who are persecuted in the cause of uprightness…

Jesus is drawing a self-portrait here and inviting his disciples to become like him.

Prayer means letting Jesus’ way of the cross, his way of downward mobility, truly become our way.  And prayer means listening with attentive, undivided hearts, to the inner movements of the Spirit of Jesus, even when that Spirit leads us to places we would rather not go…

I say this with great compassion:  we are living in an upwardly mobile society, a society in which making it to the top is expected in some degree of all of us.  And aren’t we tempted to use even the Word of God to help us in this upward mobility?  But this is not the way of God.  The question we will finally hear is not going to be: “How much did you earn in your lifetime?” or “How many friends did you make?” or “How much progress did you make in your career?”  No, the question for us will be: “What did you do for the least of mine?”  God has chosen to be revealed in a crucified humanity.  That is a very hard realization to come to, yet all authentic prayer will eventually lead us to it.