My Christmas Gift

It is Christmas time.  The time of gift giving and remembering the greatest gift ever given.  God gave me a gift yesterday.  A simple gift.  An answered request to delight His child.  

Yes, a gift just because it made me happy and glorified Him in the giving.  After all, God is the one who said, "it is more blessed to give than to receive". (Acts 20:35)  So, it only seems right that he was more delighted than I.

What makes it even greater is...I had been pondering life and lamenting my propensity to stumble in my spiritual life.  I had just read about David and how, even though he stumbled at times, he was still a man after God's own heart.  Isaiah 40:30-31 came to mind, encouraging me that God looks at the heart, not the perfection of our steps, and that it is He who will strengthen me.

We have a pair of bald eagles that frequent our lake and now, it seems, they have an off spring.  In all the times we have seen them perched high in the trees, we have never seen them hunt.  So, the other day I said to God that I would love to see them swoop down on the lake.  Yesterday, right after my pondering, they did just that.

We watched as the pair flew in pursuit of a duck.  The dusk narrowly escaping, as it dove underneath the surface.  We then watched the scene replay over and over, as one eagle kept trying.  We never did see the eagle succeed, but its mate was seen eating something at the other end of the lake.

Who am I that God would give me such a gift?  O Lord, our Lord, How majestic is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8 (NASB)

The Lord’s Glory and Man’s Dignity.

8 O Lord, our Lord,

How majestic is Your name in all the earth,

Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!

2 From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength

Because of Your adversaries,

To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.

3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,

The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;

4 What is man that You take thought of him,

And the son of man that You care for him?

5 Yet You have made him a little lower than God,

And You crown him with glory and majesty!

6 You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;

You have put all things under his feet,

7 All sheep and oxen,

And also the beasts of the field,

8 The birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea,

Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.

9 O Lord, our Lord,

How majestic is Your name in all the earth!

The Journey to Healing - My HOPE

I have found through the experiment of the AIP diet, and then the subsequent fail of staying on it, that my story may not be the miracle some are hoping to hear, but it may just be the hope others are needing to hear.

Queen Esther.  She is my hero.  I want to be like her.  To be given a grand stage and opportunity to make a difference.  I am willing to give my life and with her say, "If I perish, I perish!".  But this is not the HOPE to which I have been called.  Rather, my journey is one of perseverance.  And so I look to the promise of Romans 5:3-5, "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."  And so, my journey is a...
Holy
Opportunity to 
Patiently 
Endure.

My prayer has been for a greater faith and for Christ to be formed in me.  So, why am I now crying foul when I am asked to follow in His steps of suffering? (1 Peter 2:21)  If Jesus was perfected through suffering and I am not greater than my master, should I expect anything less? (Hebrews 2:10, John 13:16)  

"7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; 8 we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11 For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.  16 Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18 while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:7-11, 16-18)

God has given me a way to feel better, the AIP diet.  It works while I abide by it, but it takes perseverance.  When I rebel and choose the momentary pleasure of certain foods, I receive the due pain and discomfort.  I cry out to be delivered from my affliction and this is what I hear my God saying, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin." (James 4:17)  And, "If I told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things?" (John 3:12)  This is the grace of my God.  

He is teaching me to trust Him.  For, if I can't accept and obey what is obviously good for my physical well being, because it is hard and contrary to what "everyone else is doing", how will I accept and obey what is good for my eternal well being, which is of greater worth?  (2 Peter 1:6-9)  He cares too much to let me go on making mud pies in a slum, when He knows the glory that awaits!

And so, until the day I meet Him face to face and receive my glorified body, I will walk in obedience to what He shows me and faithfully endure for the glory of His Name.  Yes, Jesus is worth more to me than chocolate.  "For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day."  And who knows,  maybe someday I'll get a "holiday at sea". :)

The Do Exist!

This summer was the perfect storm of stressful circumstances.  I believe the trials and pressures of life don’t cause our actions, but reveal what is inside.  For some, pressure results in a diamond.  For me…it was more ugly than beautiful.  What should have been an amazing summer, turned out to be more like living in the midst of the “fire swamp”, and I was the R.O.U.S. 

Now that the summer is coming to a close, I am looking back on it with eyes of faith and wishing I had been doing that all along.  I let the enemy distract me from enjoying the blessings God was giving.  I saw only stress and anxiety, because I saw only myself.  “Heavens joy is self-forgetfulness…it is the secret of joy on earth as well as in heaven.” (Peter Kreeft)  How does one forget self?  You forget self because you are too busy looking at the source.  “Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of God.”  (Hebrew 12:2)

The truth is we cannot serve two masters.  “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” (Matthew 6:24)  When we love the right one, God, we find all joy.  God turns all things for our good, the devil turns all good things for our bad.  Peter Kreeft puts it this way, “All things are created by God and therefore good.  All that is desirable in things is an image of the supremely desirable God.  Evil is not desiring evil things, but desiring lesser goods and desiring in wrong ways (selfishly).”  I was serving the wrong master.

Some would say I was justified because of my circumstances.  A little irritability (okay let's  be honest, a LOT) is to be expected…right?  But I don’t want excuses.  I want grace, yes, but grace is not an excuse, it is a second chance.  “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?  We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” (Romans 6:1-4)  Jesus didn’t come to make us “good enough”, He came so we would die, and rise to live abundantly.

We desire many things, but when we find the “one necessary thing”; the truth of Matthew 6:33, we find peace and joy.  For God’s single gift that fulfills all our desires is Christ.  In Him, God offers us the only thing He has…Himself.  And He is the only thing we need.  “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) 

How different my summer could have been if I had seen this sooner!  If I had only followed Paul’s advice from Philippians 4:4-9 which says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.   Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

It was there all along.  How did I miss it?  Well, praise to Him, for His grace is sufficient and nothing is in vain.  Will all be perfect in me now?  Hardly, but there is hope.  "the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed...God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." (Colossians 1:26)  God will refine my character…” so that the proven genuineness of my faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:7)

JTH - Falling Off The Wagon

Well, let me just start with this disclaimer...trying to stick to this diet while moving and building a house is not for the faint of heart!

During the past month, I have been faint of heart.  Between not having time to prepare properly and being stressed to the max (at times I thought my head would explode and desperately needed chocolate!), I have fallen off the AIP wagon.  And I can feel it. :(

I have only had one full blown attack, when I went totally crazy for a couple days and ate all things off limits.  It took a week to recover.  UGH!  Most of the time I still eat mostly AIP and FODMAP, with only a few indiscretions, and can keep my symptoms at a tolerable level. 

It is frustrating to think of how I have slid backwards in this, but now I know my limits. And my need for this diet is confirmed.  There is a sense of control over my health, even though so much of it is still a mystery.  No cure in sight, but still hope.

I have also been reminded how hurtful to our physical well being stress is, and why I have ordered my life in such a way, as to avoid as much of it as possible!  Knowing this is all temporary has helped. 

I have to keep refocusing my eyes on eternity and remember what really matters. 

His mercies are new every morning and I will start again.

Hackathon

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 10:31

 

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body. (1 Corinthians 12:4-6, 18-20)

 

^{These scriptures were brought to life for me this weekend.  I spent the weekend at a Code For The Kingdom, Hackathon.  Hacking for Jesus?  Yes!  I was witness to a group of smart, tech savvy, Jesus loving people doing what they do for the glory of God.} 

 

^{My involvement with Wycliffe Associates has shown me that we don't have to be a missionary or linguist to help in Bible translation.  God can use us just the way He has crafted us.  Together we can make God's Word available to everyone!} 

^{My personality, my abilities, my interests, my spiritual gifts and even my disabilities can all be used to accomplish the purposes of God, if I will let the Holy Spirit lead.  What about you?  What do you have to offer?  More than you think, I am sure.  Check out wycliffeassociates.org or talk to a friend.  Sometimes others can recognize gifts in you, that you can't.} 

^{Whatever you do, do it for His glory!  And in so doing, you'll find your sweet spot.}

JTH - Thankful

I have yet to find perfection or complete healing, but I have found thankfulness in the midst of this journey.

I am thankful for the days I awake feeling good! 

I am thankful for the days I get to start over...because yes...I blow it sometimes.

I am thankful I have the option to eat healthy.

I am thankful for a supportive spouse.

I am thankful for a God who works all things for my good.  And yes, I do consider this for my good.

The truths the Holy Spirit is teaching me through this challenge are priceless.  I see this journey as temporary, even if it lasts a hundred years, but the good it is producing in my character is forever.

You see, I read that an autoimmune condition can not really be cured, as a cure means that the desease has been definitely ended.  However, it can be in remission, which is when a disease is temporarily ended or in reversal; a disease remains but shows no symptoms.  With an autoimmiune condition, it is about creating a lifelong condition of health through diet, lifestyle, environmental factors and stress relief.

Wow! That sounds like our spiritual life!  Our flesh can not be cured this side of Heaven, but through the right diet (Bread of Life and Living water), a lifestyle of seeking God, removing temptations, and being thankful, we can begin to reverse our condition!  Our old nature still remains in our body, but the symptoms are removed in proportion to our surrender to this new way of living.

When people hear about how strict my diet is they say things like, "That must be so hard!".  And it is, but only because my old nature is still kicking.  My diet consists of delicious foods, however, I still WANT what everyone else is eating.  My mind and taste buds remember the delicacies of the world and my culture says I can have anything I want.  It is a fight indeed!  But one that can be won with the proper perspective and training, for His grace is sufficient and I can learn to be content in Christ.

So, on  I travel...sometimes running...sometimes walking...and sometimes falling on my face!  But I am learning to do it all in thankfulness, for my God is always there ready to pick me up and help me forward.  He is faithful and His lovingkindness endures forever.

JTH - How Long, O LORD?

Was it foolishness or impatience that had me thinking 20+ years of damage could be undone in a month of good eating?  Probably a little of both.  My old nature is not far from me. Oh, but God is faithful and His mercies are new every morning...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

And so, with renewed commitment I journey on...and as I was pondering the irreparable damage already done to my colon (for short of a miracle of God the redundancy will not shrink back), I was struck by the fact that we can not do irreparable damage to our relationship with God.  There is only one sin that is unforgivable, blaspheme of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:31), which I believe to be unbelief.  But for those who believe, no sin, no amount of time will keep God from redeeming our lives when we turn to Him.  We may have to live with earthly consequences of our past sin, just as I may always have to live with dietary restrictions, but we are not excluded, nor will we bear them forever.  This Sunday we will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and it is because of His precious blood, that we are made righteous, and one day, even our bodies, will be glorified to perfection! 

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.

 

Matthew 6:9-13

 

Maranatha Lord, Come Soon!

JTH - Week 3



"I work from the vantage point of helping clients re-frame disease to be an ally, not an enemy. When that happens, we take responsibility for our life and move out of being the victim of our circumstances such as illness.  Here is the bottom, bottom line. Your life is trying to wake you up to something through illness.  It just is. So go there. I promise there is no downside to taking that positioning in life. Only wisdom.  That place of trust that life is waking me up to something. You are doing it though illness. Once you decide this path, things like blaming others, being a victim or arguing against what is present are quickly lost as coping options. Your biggest coping options become love and acceptance. How will I love and accept this event? And this is difficult because denial, victim and blame are socially accepted tools in the healing world, easier to take but ultimately don’t work."  Jessica Flanigan, Clinical Nutritionist

 I found the above quote while researching AIP recipes this week.  It pretty much sums up my next step in this journey.  I initially thought I would go on the diet for a month, get better, and then be on my merry way.  Yeah, right! 

I have been through all the coping options she mentioned.  Denial?  Yep, been there.  Victim?  Woe is me!  Blame?  You betcha.  Even with this diet, I wanted a quick fix, but that doesn't look to be the case.  They say 1 month of healing for every year you have been sick, and I have been sick for over 20 years!  So, I need to move on to viewing my illness as my ally and not my enemy.

My nature leans toward destinations.  Michael often has to slow me down when we are walking.  I go from point A to point B the quickest way possible.  But this...this condition, isn't racing toward a destination and so I need to shift my focus to the journey. 

I don't know exactly how this will play out.  I have no doubt there will be moments of unrest and temptation ahead, but for now I am resting in the joy of obedience. 

I am learning that my life is not my own.  I am not in control.  I need to trust God.  And I must reorder my life.  I can no longer ignore it, forging ahead, hoping it will behave. 

It is giving me a chance to put into practice scriptures, such as Rejoice in the Lord always and Give thanks in all things.

The truth is, I am at a crossroads.  Will I go back to my old path, or will I stop and walk in the good way?  God what are you waking me up to? 

JTH - Week 2

Two weeks in and I am starting to see the benefits.  My husband has noticed it in the silence.  He no longer hears the constant rumble day and night.  It's not over yet, but I just may be onto something.

I have decided to go ahead and take some meds to kick those buggers out quicker and get on with the healing.  Praying that goes well.

My hope is still that after healing, I will be able to get many of the foods back.  However, this past week I have grown more comfortable with life as it is and that if need be, I can live like this.  The desire for these foods is still there, but instead of looking at it as foods that have been taken away, I am looking at it as choosing foods that will bring healing.  I can have what I want and be miserable or have what I need and feel good.  It is a choice and a battle of the mind.

I am such a visual learner that God, in His mercy, gives me these earthly examples to teach me His heavenly principles.  For I am seeing such a connection to my spiritual life in all of this; the battle in my mind over what I want, versus what I need; the daily need to depend on the LORD to overcome my sinful nature and temptation; the realization that my character means more to God than my earthly healing or comfort (Romans 5:1-5); that the fruit I am to bear is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control and these are not dependent on my doing or being physically well. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Might God still give me a miracle healing?  Maybe, but if it comes, it will be because of God's wisdom and not my manipulation.  I have spent years thinking that if I learned enough lessons, God would heal my womb, like He was just waiting for me to "get it" and then would grant my request.  I realize now that God doesn't work that way and am even thankful that I don't always get what I bargain for.  I am learning to be content and trust in His wisdom, with eternity in view; to be clay in the potters hand and accept the vessel he has made me to be.  And if that means I am to be like Paul, with a thorn in my flesh all my days, then I will be in good company and endure by the grace of God and the strength of Christ in me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Philippians 4:12-13 )

My hope...

⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things...¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...¹⁸ For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹ Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. ²⁰ But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. Philippians 3:7-8,12, 18-21.

The Journey To Healing

One week down...too many to go.

AIP is the latest acronym to go with my IBS and SIBO. 

What is AIP?  It stands for Auto Immune Protocol.  It is an elimination diet to aid in the healing of a leaky gut and various autoimmune diseases.  Oh yeah, and I am leaving out the FODMAP's as well.

For me, this is like Custer's Last Stand.  This is it...it's either me or the gut gremlins. 

Do I sound as crazy as I feel?  It may be the lack of sugar to my brain.

So here I am, one week into a very restricted diet.  I am discovering some new vegetables I didn't know existed.  Some are rather good and some I still don't like.  Yuck!  I am down a pound!  Whoohoo!  I get tons of meat and all the water I can drink, but I am not going to sugar coat it (pun intended)...

I cried today.

The eating part is going better than expected, especially since Michael is participating with me (what a guy!).  I have a few cravings, but over all not bad.  However, I have not showed any miraculous recovery like I had hoped.  I am still the same.  I know, I know...it's only been a week and I didn't get this way overnight, but I was really hoping for a miracle turn around.  I need to know this is going to be worth it!

And so I cried in fear that this too would fail. 

By the grace of God, I undertook this for Lent as well as my health.  Otherwise, I may have quit today.  But, God is giving me the strength I need, because this battle is about more than just flesh and blood and nasty gut microbes. 

^{Ephesians 6:10} Finally, let the mighty strength of the Lord make you strong. ¹¹ Put on all the armor that God gives, so you can defend yourself against the devil’s tricks. ¹² We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. ¹³ So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when that evil day comes, you will be able to defend yourself. And when the battle is over, you will still be standing firm.

¹⁴ Be ready! Let the truth be like a belt around your waist, and let God’s justice protect you like armor. ¹⁵ Your desire to tell the good news about peace should be like shoes on your feet. ¹⁶ Let your faith be like a shield, and you will be able to stop all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Let God’s saving power be like a helmet, and for a sword use God’s message that comes from the Spirit.

¹⁸ Never stop praying, especially for others. Always pray by the power of the Spirit. Stay alert and keep praying for God’s people. ¹⁹ Pray that I will be given the message to speak and that I may fearlessly explain the mystery about the good news. ²⁰ I was sent to do this work, and that’s the reason I am enduring this trouble. So pray that I will be brave and will speak as I should.
CEV italics are my addition.

What Makes A Life Beautiful?

What makes a life beautiful?  Breath.

God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness...So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.  Genesis 1:26-27
Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.  Genesis 2:7

Every life has value and worth because we are made in the image of God and it was His breath that brought forth life. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

The beauty of our lives are not based on the size of our clothes, bank account or house.  The beauty of our lives are not determined by whether our dreams come true and we end up with a dream job, husband, 2.5 kids, new automobile or get to travel the world.  Neither is the beauty of our life less if our health fails or we die young.

Jesus came to:

 bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:3

I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations. Isaiah 61:10-11

Look around at creation, even after the fall, it is beautiful! You are beautiful!  I am beautiful!  Life is beautiful, because God has breathed it.  And in Christ we have a hope and a future, peace and joy...no matter our circumstance.

Romans 15:13

Ash Wednesday

It is snowing...again. 

We got snow/freezing rain last week during our small group bible study.  When Michael and I went to leave, one of the guys from our group was scraping everyone's windows.  While we sat warming up inside the car, watching him scrape, I felt bad.  It was hard to accept such a favor.  However, feeling he wanted to do this for us, I began to feel some gratitude and goodwill toward him.  That was nice.

It wasn't until the next week, at our group meeting, when I jokingly suggested he would go warm up all our cars, that I found out he HATES the sound of scraping ice!  To him it is likes nails on a chalk board (I am dating myself here).  That means what he did for us the week before was a sacrifice, not just a nice gesture he wanted to do.  It was hard, but he did it anyway. This made me appreciate his act of service even more.

As I pondered this on the drive home, I was struck by the parallel to grace and Jesus.  For many of us, it is hard to accept such a favor as grace.  We are independent and prideful.  We want to earn our way.  Or we may feel that what Jesus did for us was nice, but we don't really understand the depth of His sacrifice.  After all, Jesus is God and He wanted to do it.  Right?  Then why in the garden, the night before he was crucified, was He grieved to the point of death and prayed three times that it be taken from Him?  After being beaten, He couldn't carry His own cross.  Yes, Jesus was God in the flesh but those nails still hurt and the crucifixion was torture.  The good news is that he did it anyway!  Jesus' willingness to be crucified for us, should cause great gratitude and affection toward Him.  "For this reason I say to you, her sins which were many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:47)

We are once again, at Ash Wednesday and the season of Lent.  The time for repentance and seeking God; acknowledging our mortality, sinfulness and need of a Savior, and looking forward to Easter Sunday and celebrating Jesus' death, burial and resurrection.  For "what a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25)

Last year was my first time fasting for Lent.  It was not a time of trying to earn God's favor, but rather came out of a desire to seek Him first and trust Him for all else.  And if you read my past posts on it, you know that it was not observed to perfection, but God honored my heart's desire and He was faithful. 

This year my fast is focusing on Isaiah 58 and Romans 12.  I will be fasting to offer my body as a living sacrifice and seeking how God wants to use the gifts He has given me to fulfill what Jesus started.  "And the book of the prophet Isaiah was handed to Him (Jesus).  And He opened the book and found the place where it was written, 'The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives, and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed, to proclaim the favorable year of the LORD.'  And He began to say to them, 'Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.'" (Luke 4:17-19,21)

Micah 6:8 says, "He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God."

Though your fast may look different than mine, for we are one body with many parts, may we all be made a planting for the display of God's splendor!

 

Unanswered prayer: What if...?

"And a leper came to Jesus, beseeching Him and falling on his knees before Him, and saying, “If you are willing, You can make me clean.” Moved with compassion, Jesus stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.”  Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed." (Mark 1:40-42)

These are the words I read the other morning, that reminded me again of my unanswered prayers for healing.  I believe God can heal me, but apparently, unlike with the leper, He is not willing.  God's apparent unwillingness to heal either my womb or my gut used to unnerve me.  Unconsciously I began to believe that it must be because God doesn't love me as much as that other person, who just received their miracle.  Maybe, if I just learned enough lessons He would do it, like He was waiting for me to get it before He gave it.

Thinking that God doesn't love you or care about you that much is a dangerous place to stand.  I kept trying to earn it, but I could never do or be enough. 

Then God began to show me the truth of His love and grace.  He gave me a right view of myself (I deserve nothing good), as well as Himself (He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him for my redemption surely loves me).  And so, the other morning when I read Mark 1:40-42 and thought about my unanswered prayers, I was struck with a new thought.  What if my unanswered prayer was God's love for me?  Crazy?  Instead of it meaning that He loved me less, what if it meant He loved me more?  Could it be that he isn't willing, because if He did heal me I would lose out on the work He was doing in me through it?  What if a healed gut meant I could eat whatever I wanted and I would eat too much junk?  What if...?

I may never know the exact reasons.  But it made me think of Laura Story's song, Blessings.  And I have decided to trust in the One who knows the end from the beginning. 

It's All About Love

"Don't be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think.  Then you will know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to Him."  Romans 12:2 CEV


I am currently reading the true story of Ian and Larissa Murphy.  They met in college, fell in love and were planning to marry, when Ian was in a horrific car crash.  That car accident and the resulting brain injury forever changed their lives.  Their story is about more than tragedy, it is about dealing with life in a world marked by suffering, yet compelled by love.  Larissa chose love over convenience.  Ian's best friend chose love over a more successful career.  This got me thinking...

Was she crazy for not moving on to someone she could have a "normal", easier life with?  Was his friend crazy for giving up a more successful career?  I guess that depends on what you think the meaning of life is.  Is it all about me?  Is it about what I can gain?  Or is it about people and love?

According to the Bible, it has always been about people and love:

It has been this way from the beginning.  God created the world and us, because of love.  God called a people to be His own, because of love.  God came in the flesh, because of love.  Jesus died a horrible death, because of love.  The Spirit was given to us, because of love. The disciples were beaten and martyred, because of love.  Jesus will come again to take us to the Father, because of love.  It is the greatest command and the second.  Love is the fulfillment of all the law and prophets. 

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ⁸ Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 NIV
 
Love is powerful, because God IS love.

Love Well

There seems to be much confusion these days over God's will for our lives and how to "do" ministry.  That is, if one is even interested in the church anymore.  Two experiences recently have convinced me, more than ever, that it really isn't that complicated.  Jesus gave us the answer a long time ago.  Perhaps, we didn't like His answer and so we try to come up with alternative solutions.  So what is the answer?  Why nothing less than the greatest commandment and the second(Matthew 22:37-40).  That's right, the answer is to love well!

Sounds easy enough.  Humans are involved, however, so it is anything but!  Yes, it is simple, for if we love we will fulfill all the law.  But, it is often hard to love well through pain, grief and misunderstandings.  Love costs.  All that aside, I have once again been shown the fruit of love and I am challenged to continue to try and love well.

The first experience was about a week ago.  I was back in my home state visiting family.  My husband and I had gone to the new Cabelas with my parents and were waiting in line at the pizza restaurant next door, when a man came up behind us and said our names.  It took a few minutes, but we soon were giving hugs all around as we recognized one another.  It was a friend from high school youth group that we hadn't seen in 20 plus years!  As we talked, it appeared to be a God moment.  He had recently been telling the youth group that he now leads about how great our youth group had been and the difference it had made in his life.  He also told my parents (who had been sponsors) several times how happy he was to see them and how much they had meant to him.  I saw how important it had been to have people in his life who loved him.

The second experience was today, as I witnessed the family of an elderly woman, in our church, who just passed away.  The sorrow over her departure was great, but they did not grieve as those who have no hope.  They grieved because they loved her, for she was a Godly woman who loved them well. 

It is my prayer, though it may take years or even a life time, that my life will bring forth fruit because I chose to love well.  As a friend so wonderfully reminded us, it isn't about us.  It is always about Jesus!  I can't love well, but He can.  And so in faith, I lose my life in order to find it...the life well lived in love.

Another Health Update

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer."

 (Romans 12:12)

A year has passed since my Mayo clinic trip.  Where am I on this "redundant" journey?  Well, redundant seems to be the key word, not only for my colon, but my experience as well. 

It is true that I am farther along, because I now have some concrete answers, however the symptoms continue to persist.  I repeat the same cycle over and over again.

I have tried different protocols and prayed for a miracle.

But here I am again.

There is a difference this time...not with my body, but with my mind.  I have come to acceptance.  Is that one of the stages of grief?  Maybe that is what I had to go through to get here.  To grieve that this is my "normal" and that I will not receive a miracle healing.

With this acceptance has come truth and peace.  The realization that this is for my good.  You see, this battle over my food choices (because that is the only way to manage it at this point) is really about the greater battle for my soul. 

The truth is, my desire to be healed is not too glorify God, but rather to get what I want.  I want to be able to eat anything I want and not pay the consequence in my body.  This is indeed a reflection of my attitude toward God in general.  I want Him to help me get my way.  Ouch! 

Praise be to God, who cares more for me than I do!  He cares about my character, my eternal state and will act in accordance with His lovingkindness to bring a transformation to fruition.  For He knows that, "tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:3-5 NASB)

This year I will seek to make the hard choices to improve my health.  It will not be easy, but I have hope!  Hope that I can be better and hope that I will be changed.  "I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18 )  Who knows what a year can bring when God is in charge?!