Saturday, January 10, 2015

Another Health Update

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer."
 (Romans 12:12)

A year has passed since my Mayo clinic trip.  Where am I on this "redundant" journey?  Well, redundant seems to be the key word, not only for my colon, but my experience as well. 

It is true that I am farther along, because I now have some concrete answers, however the symptoms continue to persist.  I repeat the same cycle over and over again.

I have tried different protocols and prayed for a miracle.

But here I am again.

There is a difference this time...not with my body, but with my mind.  I have come to acceptance.  Is that one of the stages of grief?  Maybe that is what I had to go through to get here.  To grieve that this is my "normal" and that I will not receive a miracle healing.

With this acceptance has come truth and peace.  The realization that this is for my good.  You see, this battle over my food choices (because that is the only way to manage it at this point) is really about the greater battle for my soul. 

The truth is, my desire to be healed is not too glorify God, but rather to get what I want.  I want to be able to eat anything I want and not pay the consequence in my body.  This is indeed a reflection of my attitude toward God in general.  I want Him to help me get my way.  Ouch! 

Praise be to God, who cares more for me than I do!  He cares about my character, my eternal state and will act in accordance with His lovingkindness to bring a transformation to fruition.  For He knows that, "tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:3-5 NASB)

This year I will seek to make the hard choices to improve my health.  It will not be easy, but I have hope!  Hope that I can be better and hope that I will be changed.  "I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18 )  Who knows what a year can bring when God is in charge?!