a wound that never quite heals

"It is a wound that never quite heals: shrapnel closed up in the flesh."  - Mark Buchanan

I read the above quote today and it resonated with me.  It describes how I feel about my infertility. Scripture says it this way:

“There are three things that are never satisfied,
    four that never say, ‘Enough!’:
 the grave, the barren womb,
    land, which is never satisfied with water,
    and fire, which never says, ‘Enough!’

Proverbs 30:15-16

 

The wound has healed.  I have found peace and joy once again, but the grief still lies buried within, carried by my Savior.  He guards my heart for that day. "That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." (1 Timothy 1:12)

 

 It is okay that the scar remains, for it reminds me that things are not as they are supposed to be.  Wombs are not meant to be barren.  We are meant for life not death.  I rejoice in this reminder, for it keeps my focus on the hope that is to come when Jesus Christ returns. 

The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears
    from all faces;
he will remove his people’s disgrace
    from all the earth.
The Lord has spoken.

⁹ In that day they will say,

“Surely this is our God;
    we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the Lord, we trusted in him;
    let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.

Isaiah 25:8-9

 

Even if I was to receive life in my womb this very day, the ache for eternity would still resound in my heart, for as long as we remain on this earth we are away from the Lord (2 Cor. 5:6).  As C.S. Lewis put it, we live only in the shadow lands here.  Our true home is waiting.  Christ has gone to prepare a place for us and will return to take us there.  In John 14:1-3 Jesus says, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (Revelation 21:3-5)
 
And so I rejoice in my suffering even as I shout Maranatha!  Lord come soon!  It is the very longing that keeps this life in perspective and leads to a greater life, both now and forever more. Amen.