My biggest fear in going was not finding cancer, it was finding nothing at all, returning the same as I left. That may sound strange, but I feared disappointment more than death. Maybe because death I knew what to do with, but disappointment...? Disappointment is like a plague that never leaves. So, when my church family asked how to pray, I would always say, "pray that I get answers". Healing? Sure! Answers? Absolutely! How long, O LORD? My soul is downcast within me! (Psalm 42)
Before we went I typed up a three page history of my symptoms, without using the term IBS, and gathered all medical tests, etc. that I had. At our first appointment we spent an hour with the resident going over it all. When the doctor came in next and said that she thought it was most likely IBS, and that I should buy a puppy and take yoga, I was crushed! I wept. My worst fear was coming to pass. However, she did order a CT scan to be administered the next day, which was a Thursday.
The results from the scan showed nothing wrong with the small bowel, but there was a large amount of stool in my colon. As a side note, do ever wonder about who has to study such things to know what a "normal" amount is? Yikes! Any way, she suggested another test and we would discuss the results on Monday.
During the four days between appointments, God was ever present. He spoke to me through Scripture and other books I was reading, confirming the sufficiency of His grace. I knew that no matter what Monday brought, I would offer myself to Him for His glory. I would trust in His wisdom and obey His will. Even as I was learning this, He was comforting me with peace, knowing that He was going before me through the prayers of so many. God was quieting me with His love by letting me know that He had directed a man in our church to pray for my needs, even before they were known. It was time, God was moving for a reason.
After a weekend of trying to forget why we were there and enjoying the city, we once again met with the doctor. Though she still sung the praises of having a dog, she no longer called my condition IBS. They had found something else. She showed us the image of the CT scan, pointing out the features as we went. When we got to the colon, she said I had what is called a redundant colon She pointed to a big U shape in the middle of my colon. She proceeded to give us a protocol for helping it and the possibility of surgery if we can't get it to function better with the protocol.
I walked out of her office ecstatic! Why would I be excited to find out I have an abnormality that will be a life long issue? Well, for two reasons. One, at least now I had a definitive answer and a plan to get better, neither of which I had during the 20 years I was told I had IBS. And Second, God had specifically answered my prayer! He DID care about me! Something I desperately needed to know after all the years of disappointment.
I know some people will get caught up in the length of time I had to wait before God showed the problem and solution, but that seems so insignificant to me right now. Life is not just about the flashy moments when God does something cool, but the everyday moments He gets us through. He was always there with the sufficiency of His grace and the time was not endured in vain. I gained much character and insight. I was being molded and shaped, which can be painful, but
I was being conformed to the image of Jesus, and isn't that what it is all about? And in His perfect time, when it was essential for me to know, he showed His care and restored my soul.
The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:1-4
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