Another Health Update

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer."

 (Romans 12:12)

A year has passed since my Mayo clinic trip.  Where am I on this "redundant" journey?  Well, redundant seems to be the key word, not only for my colon, but my experience as well. 

It is true that I am farther along, because I now have some concrete answers, however the symptoms continue to persist.  I repeat the same cycle over and over again.

I have tried different protocols and prayed for a miracle.

But here I am again.

There is a difference this time...not with my body, but with my mind.  I have come to acceptance.  Is that one of the stages of grief?  Maybe that is what I had to go through to get here.  To grieve that this is my "normal" and that I will not receive a miracle healing.

With this acceptance has come truth and peace.  The realization that this is for my good.  You see, this battle over my food choices (because that is the only way to manage it at this point) is really about the greater battle for my soul. 

The truth is, my desire to be healed is not too glorify God, but rather to get what I want.  I want to be able to eat anything I want and not pay the consequence in my body.  This is indeed a reflection of my attitude toward God in general.  I want Him to help me get my way.  Ouch! 

Praise be to God, who cares more for me than I do!  He cares about my character, my eternal state and will act in accordance with His lovingkindness to bring a transformation to fruition.  For He knows that, "tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:3-5 NASB)

This year I will seek to make the hard choices to improve my health.  It will not be easy, but I have hope!  Hope that I can be better and hope that I will be changed.  "I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18 )  Who knows what a year can bring when God is in charge?!

Favor

 

I was  recently struck by something about Mary's story in the Bible.  Have you ever thought about the irony between the angels statement about her and his proclamation to her? "The angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God.'" (Luke 1:30)  If God favors her so, then why is he causing a circumstance in her life that will bring hardship both now (illegitimate pregnancy) and in the future (Simeon predicted her own soul would be pierced because of Jesus. Luke 2:35)?  Shouldn't God's favor mean all goes well for us? What about Jesus?  He found favor with God and man and look what happened to him! 

 

At some point, I bought into the idea that favor meant ease and comfort, rather than the privilege of kingdom work.  Yet the truth of scripture clearly states otherwise. 

Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:1-10,

"As God’s co-workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain. ² For he says,

“In the time of my favor I heard you,
    and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.

³ We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. ⁴ Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; ⁵ in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; ⁶ in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; ⁷ in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; ⁸ through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; ⁹ known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; ¹⁰ sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything."

 ^16 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18
 

 May I find favor with God and man...Amen.

Just When I Need It

This was my view this morning as I was journaling prayers to God.

This was God's gift to me.

He knew I needed this reminder of His glory and that His mercies are new every morning.


It has been a hard week.  There have been some highs and lows, no doubt connected in the spiritual realm.



It has looked something like this...

There is beauty, but there are also clouds.  God is hearing my cries and He is speaking.  He is asking me to strip away the things I cling to; the safety I seek; my willingness to go only as far as I know I can handle on my own.  He is asking me to trust Him...again.  He is asking me to love with abandon.

And like the pathways of the planes this morning, God is weaving my path across others in a way that only God can.  In a way that leads me to surrender; encouraging me to take the leap of faith, knowing He will catch me and always bring beauty and good with Him.

 I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me

 with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in

 a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head

 like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself

 with her jewels.

Isaiah 61:10

The Sound of Love

We often talk about smells bringing memories alive.  But today I was transported in time by a sound. 

The ordinary sound of stirring my coffee.

I stir my coffee most days, but today was different.  Today when I heard the clink of the spoon against the porcelain cup, I was transported back to my grandparents kitchen. 

I was reminded of the treasured mornings I would wake up at their house and sit at the kitchen table with them, while they drank their coffee and read the paper.  Of course, I needed coffee too, so I could be just like them. 

It is like I can still hear grandma stirring a splash of coffee into a cup of warm milk.  Such a simple thing; yet apparently profound.  After all, that was 30 plus years ago. 

Perry Mason still remains a favorite show of mine, because I watched it with my grandma. She died when I was in the eighth grade and I still miss her so much, especially this morning. 

When I ponder what has brought on this sudden swell of emotion, I can think of only one word...LOVE.  A simple memory wrapped in love.  A sacred moment.  Love given and love received.    I love you Grandma Pischel!

My grandma with my cousin (left) and me.

 

Still Unpacking

This past weekend I went to Allume, a Christian women's blogging conference. 

I am still unpacking from it! 

Not literally, but it was so amazing I am still mining the treasures of what I experienced.   

I am so thankful to God for leading me to it...pushing me to go by myself...and speaking through all those who prepared for us.

For a girl like me, it was a dream come true...free books AND jewelry purchases for a cause!

But it was more than just free stuff and information on the blogging dos and don'ts, our eyes were opened to a new view of hospitality and some amazing ways to offer it.

As I process and have time, I want to share these riches with you, but for now I am going to leave you with a statement key note speaker, Shauna Niequist made during her address, "True hospitality is when people leave your home feeling better about themselves not better about you."

The Beauty of Change

It is raining today.  Not the wet substance we normally think of when we say rain.

Today, it is raining leaves; orange and yellow fluttering to the ground, making a glorious golden blanket over the green grass.

The changing of seasons; a turning of the times; beauty to behold.

 



Maybe all change isn't so bad.  Maybe there can be beauty in it.  And when it seems I am loosing all that is good, maybe there is still hope that light will shine forth, spring will come and life will return.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"  Romans 12:12



Is Love Worth The Sorrow?

I hate death!  Can I say that?  I know we're not supposed to hate...but death?...surely that is okay.  My heart is overwhelmed today.  I received word that some dear friends got bad reports; liver disease and cancer.  My soul is at war.  My flesh cries out "it's not fair!", but my spirit says "we deserve death".  My heart says "stop loving, it hurts too much!", but my spirit says "love is worth the sorrow".  The battle does not disturb me, for I know who will win, because greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)  I have learned that grief can coexist with joy and sorrow with love.  One day grief and sorrow will be no more, but until that day we live in what C.S. Lewis called the shadow lands.

I recently read The Giver, by Lois Lowery.  It was a society that had engineered life to be safe.  It was perfectly designed to avoid pain and sorrow.  And they were successful.  However, there was a price to pay.  The constant comfort had lost the color of life.  In getting rid of the lows they had leveled out the highs as well.  Is avoiding hurt worth giving up love and joy?  It is true that we live in a shadowed land.  Our colors are faded.  "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known." (1 Corinthians 13:12 NASB) 

Since the time of Adam and Eve we have had rebellious hearts and turned to our own way.  We deserve death.  There is a price to pay.  Praise God for His mercy and grace!  Jesus paid that price!  He has secured our future.  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16 NASB)  We do not grieve as those without hope...one day we will see clearly.  Death will be swallowed by Life.  Victory is assured for those who hope in Christ!

As great as that is to come, what about now?  "Do not let your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me.  I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things...Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you." (John 14:1,18,26-27 NASB)  "Just as the Father has loved me, I have also loved you; abide in my love.  If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love...These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." (John 15:9-11 NASB)  There is a great exchange happening even now.

I know what it is to build walls, to numb myself in order to avoid pain.  It seems to work for a time, but in the end it is a lie that marches you on to a death of another kind.  There is no escaping trouble of this world (John 16:33), but God promises to always be with us.  Love is so powerful it sent Jesus to the cross.  "But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13 NASB) Love never fails!  Love IS worth it!